We all probably know about the Nice Guy.
He's the sort of guy who is normally a pleasant person. Until a girl he fancies goes home with a dominant alpha male and he starts ranting about "girls only dating jerks" and "nice guys finish last" and "these girls ignore guys like me and then cry when the jerks they do date cheat on them".
You know the type.
But if you're actively involved in the vegetarian/vegan community you'll have probably met this archetypes half-brother: the vegan nice guy.
The Vegan Nice Guy is the guy who believes that because he's woke on the realities of the meat industry, that vegan woman should fall at his feet. When they don't - or, god forbid, decide to date a meat eater because of female sexual agency - the hissy fit ensues.
This is where you imagine me falling off my chair from severe eye roll.
Here's just an example if what I've seen in the past:
Post after post and meme after meme saying "you're not a true vegan if you date a meat-eater".
There was one disheartening story from a vegan male about a Tinder date with a meat-eater, where the girl mocked him. He was respectful about her but in the comments came "dude, the ratio of female to male vegans is high, you could just have your pick of vegan girls".
There was once (many moons ago) a meme shared that said something along the lines of "Girls say there's no vegan men, but here we are".
Plus, my personal favourite: "a vegan dating a meat-eater is like a feminist dating a misogynist".
Oh, and this Reddit.
This is where you imagine me screaming into the void.
So Vegan Nice Guys (and people of all genders who support them) let's break it down!
Your dating priorities might not be the same as everyone elses
I have a small checklist of requirements that categorically need to be checked off before I enter a relationship. It's the big things: also doesn't want children/doesn't want any more if they are already a parent, also open to the idea of non-monogamy, stable job (or legitimate reason not to), politically/socially progressive and has their shit together. Then I have my strong preferences: doesn't smoke, geek, is also a city person, and won't roll-eye at my boyband obsession.
As far as my preferences go, vegan is a preference but not a strong one. Since going vegetarian I have only dated meat-eaters and very rarely has it been an issue. While most of my preferences listed above are built around things that did become issues in past relationships.
But that's the thing about dating preferences - they are personal. I don't force my preferences on other people. So I use as hell don't like it when others push their preferences on me.
Even if vegan is a preference, it won't be there only preference
If a vegan categorically won't date someone who eats meat that is their choice. However, it won't be the only thing they look for in a partner. So cut out the crap that vegan men should automatically get vegan girls for no other reason.
We all have gaps in our ethics
I do try and live as ethical a lifestyle as I can, but I have blind spots. I still buy my work clothes from Primark, I still prefer paper books to e-books, and I'm guilty of only focusing on social justice issues that effect me.
It's important to me that a serious romantic partner (more on that definition later!) tries to make the world a better place. But I'm not going to get uppity if their priorities are different to mine and if they have blind spots - as I'd want the same respect in return.
Not everyone is vegan for the same reasons
I went vegan for the animals - with the reduction of greenhouse gases being an added benefit. But my reasons weren't everyone's reasons - and these vegan women might be vegan for a reason that differs from yours.
There's a difference between a life partner and someone I might have a fling with
The non-negotiables and preferences I mentioned earlier are only applicable for serious relationships. If I'm just looking for a fun fling, the only real requirement is chemistry. I've had flings in the past where I don't think me being vegan even came up...
Not all women are into men
Just a reminder, y'all.